So Long Banana

I had my last shift at Banana Republic today. I was not aware it was my last shift until the middle of it, when I went to check next week's schedule and saw that my name was not on the roster, and then a co-worker told me this was the last week for the seasonals (we were hired for 90, but according to Gap Inc. math 90 is fiftysomething. Okay).

I felt bummed, like I'm sure the cast of Full House did when they found out on day they taped their season finale that it was actually the SERIES finale (and why do I know that off of the top of my head?). But I never really fit in at that place anyway, even though I did end up being really good at shoes. When it came to that job, I was Jackie Gayda'd.



Jackie Gayda was the co-winner of Tough Enough 2, a reality show put together by WWE when they wanted to join the reality TV Bandwagon. The contestants of Tough Enough received rudimentary training to be professional wrestlers, and the winners were awarded WWE contracts, becoming either WWE Superstars if they were other boys or WWE Divas if they were girls (no one can ever be called a "wrestler" in WWE, which, like many things about the world of pro wrestling, is very odd).

I have a point with this, I promise! The winners of the first Tough Enough didn't show up on the TV shows for a long time after winning the competition, because they were being trained in the developmental territories. But the second time around, they thought that they needed more girls on the shows right away because they had just split the company up into two different brands, so even though Jackie hardly had any experience or training, they put her in a mixed tag team match on Raw, which is a live show. It is thought by many to be one of the worst matches in the show's history, as it was painfully obvious that Jackie had no idea what she was doing. The match mercifully ended when her opponent jumped off the top rope and grazed the back of her head, and then Jackie stood there for a few seconds before falling down on her face to take the move. She wasn't on TV again for over a year.

So anyway, that's how I felt at that job some nights, when I was supposed to fold cashmere sweaters but I had NO IDEA how to fold cashmere sweaters, and everybody would just give me dirty looks and wonder what the hell was wrong with me. Tomorrow I interview at Target to go back to my roots as a cashier. They are building one a few blocks from my house, and if that is not a big bulls-eye sign from God, I don't know what is. Besides, Target is based in Minneapolis and that way I am being true to my roots. My back is already acting up, but that's why God made ibuprofen. And vodka. And if you have ibuprofen BEFORE vodka, it thins your blood and you get drunk faster, which is one of the many things I learned in college.