A Letter to Myself

Dear Jacob/Jake/Jakey,

...I know that you are sad about leaving Stout, especially when you look at recent pictures of your friends, or randomly Facebook-stalk and find that there are attractive freshmen that are being befriended by your former stalker, and I know that you wonder if said attractive freshman got the same creepy e-mail from the stalker that YOU got in September of 2005. Know that you are better than that. Know that it doesn’t matter if attractive freshman and stalker are doing it. It does not affect you. Remember that you accepted the stalker’s friend request too, and only cut him from your list when he drunk-IM’d you, said that you did a good job in the play and begged for you to come over. RESIST THE URGE TO SEND ATTRACTIVE FRESHMAN A MESSAGE VIA FACEBOOK, because attractive freshman will either relish the attention or find out on their own. Jesus, Jakey, stop thinking about the freshman. You live in New York now.

Speaking of New York, you might be leaving it after July. It will not be the end of the world if you do. That said, enjoy it now. Don’t take it for granted. Go to Times Square every day. Go to the Union Square Walgreens on Wednesday and demand a job. Be the best damned beauty advisor of New York City.

Let’s go back to Stout for a minute, without a random tangent about the stupid random freshman and your stupid stalker. Yes, you miss your friends. Yes, you miss the socializing. Yes, you miss the illusion that in your own strange way you were a celebrity. But think of your friends, and think of why they are there. They actually want to have jobs in the fields they are studying. You, on the other hand, knew from day one that you were going to transfer after two years, and you went to Stout not to get a degree but because you could not fathom living at home, because in your closed mind, it was ridiculous that someone who took three AP tests and was in Knowledge Bowl would tell people at his grad party that he was going to community college.

And okay, you kinda fucked up the New York thing. On your first day there you should have sucked up your pride, walked into Target and applied, instead of having countless interviews at posh and upscale Manhattan jobs that you were not qualified for. You should have reached out more, actually cultivated friendships at your school.

That said, you don’t regret it. Moving back home isn’t as bad now, but can you imagine how it would been, right now? Do you remember how sad you were, when you knew you were leaving Stout but before the Brooklyn thing happened? And can you imagine living at home now, with Diva having moved to San Diego and Erin studying abroad in France? As lonely as you were in New York, you at least got to be with yourself. You would not have grown had you been stuck at home. If it would have been you, Final Fantasy VII, and your bottled-up Mommy Issues leading to damaged housewares.

So whatever happens in July -- whether you get a full-time job and manage to hack it in NYC, move back home, or miraculously end up in California with Diva -- you’ll be okay. Your dreams will still happen, but you must work for them. Stop drinking so much.

God bless,

Your Conscience