July 15th, 2008
My lease expires
I will be 22

I will have no idea where I am living

In a way it is just like last year
When I know I am leaving
But not where to
And anything I see is bittersweet
Because I will have realized
I took it for granted

Can I make it on my own
In New York City
As a grown-up
With my own full-time job
And my own walk-in closet as an apartment

My parents do not get it
"Move back home" says my mother
Who does not realize
That I don't have a driver's license
Because she won

"Go back to Stout" says my father
Who does not realize
That I was there only for the partying
If I got a degree there
I would not use it

"School is so important" says Grandma Shirley
Who does not realize
That I can afford school
But not the cost of living
Without a job

"You are too old" says the voice in my head
"Why did you ever think
You could be an actor
That is such a pipe dream
Get over it
Let it go"

"Everybody I know wants to be famous" says Famousphere Boy
"Even you"
Ouch
Why do I take his calls
Could it be because I know literally five people in my current city
Probably

46 days
I return to Stout for a visit
I haven't bought the ticket yet
'Cause I thought I'd have a job

"How is New York?" they will all ask
I will have to put my smile on again
"It is great
I am loving it
I have a lot of friends
I am living the dream"
Blah blah blah

I look at their pictures
They are all so happy
As they should be
But I can't help but be sad
When I see that they are thriving
Without me

They made new friends
Boys that are cuter and taller and straight
One of them has the same name as me
At least he goes by Jacob/Jake

Life does not come with an Undo button
Or a game over retry