So Much for the Afterglow

November 2006
On the way back
From Chippewa Falls
One of the best nights of my life

I felt like a real person
I loved how I was not a jock
Not a Republican
Not from Wisconsin
Not like them at all
And yet it didn't matter

It was four of us in the car
And then down to two
He is driving me home
Ben Folds is playing

I am in the back seat
Like a child
Story of my life

He always made me smile
And it wasn't a crush thing
Like I may have loved him
But if I did it was as a person
Y'know

"Jakey where are you living next year"
"I'm not quite sure"
"Are you even gonna go here next year"
"I'm not quite sure"

"You're not sure about a lot of stuff, are you, Jakey?"

Ooh I remember we could talk about anything
I remember when we used to want to hang out
I remember when we could talk about anything
I remember when we used to want to hang out
I remember when we could talk about anything
I remember when we used to want to hang out

Windy City

It is very windy this morning
In Brooklyn
I have no sweatshirts
Shivering like a Chihuahua
Life goes on

I will get employed this week
As if my life depends on it

My partner in music class hates me
And rightfully so
I believe it is proof
That this college thing
It's just not for me

I just don't have it in me
To work work work for two or three more years
And for what
A BFA does not get you work right away
Not in the same way that a business degree does

I told Loretta that I don't want to come home for Christmas
That I feel it's as if I am coming back pregnant
She told me it is like the equivalent

They are convinced I will somehow change my mind
But the damage is done
I made the decision a month ago
By not showing up
It's okay

"I don't want to get into it right now"
"We'll talk later"
My mother has hated my guts since I was 14
That comment is so completely unfair
But it is what it is

My girls from The UW
Are feuding profusely
In the movie in my mind
I decided to stay
As roommate #7
And I fix everything
Continue to be the glue

Bill O'Reilly sent his 12-year-old cameramen
To Rosie O'Donnell's book signing
Just to give her shit
I am more upset about it than she is
Not sure if that's logical

Grandma Shirley's opinion
Is the only one that hurts me

Viral Vendredi

Both the best and worst soap storyline ever!



And don't forget to watch the special marathon Sunday night on SoapNet!

Page Six

Apparently I made Page Six today:

CW STAR CONTINUALLY 'ADRIFT'

Rumors have it that Jakey, who famously spun off from The UW to star in Adrift in New York, will not be returning to his new college after one semester. "He hasn't been showing up to class," our source spills. "He's constantly been skipping." Our source claims that while Jakey doesn't have an alcohol problem has been speculated, the star has been battling with depression and a sleep disorder. But our source also shares some juicy background: "I don't think Jakey ever really cared about school, anyway. He just transferred because he knew it was his only way out." Jakey's publicist, E.E. McCloskey, would only cryptically offer, "Jakey's life continues to be in a transitional phase."

jeans

I bought my first pair of jeans today. Well, three, because I am NOT going to use a KMart fitting room. I don't think KMart even has fitting rooms.

It's all for a potential job, because I need to pay my own rent.

There's a first time for everything.

Just Treat Me For Who and What I Am

Eight years ago yesterday, Joanie Laurer became the first (and to date, only) female WWE Intercontinental Champion.

It's funny when I think about her. Not ha-ha funny, but a very sad funny. I idolized her at a time in my life in which I was very lost and confused as to who I was and when I was very easily defeated. Chyna influenced me because she overcame adversity, both real and fictional, and was celebrated for being different among her peers. I even did my eighth grade History Day project on her because the theme was Pioneers in History. Other kids did their projects on Bill Gates, Albert Einstein, and Susan B. Anthony. I did mine on the Ninth Wonder of the World.

Of course, Chyna later became a caricature of herself, and left the WWE in 2001. It is debatable whether or not she is better known for her accomplishments in wrestling or for the deformed genitalia she put on display in an ill-advised sex tape. She may not have been able to conquer her demons, but she became a very unlikely inspiration for a gawky, misguided gay 14-year-old to conquer his.

Viral Vendredi

The most soaptastic clip ever!

frank & postsecret

originally written last night:

went to the postsecret book signing today
in chelsea
it was unreal
as it was proof
that we are all connected

one of frank's secrets is in the first book
i will not say which one
but it's one of the saddest
he said he found it made him stronger
and he would relive the experience again

"an act of courage is contagious" he told us
god bless him and his strength
and everybody else and their acts of courage

sent a few more resumes tonite
will probs do target after all
it will be a busy day tomorrow
but it is friday

i am sober tonight
on a thursday
not used to it
but it's going to be okay

My Comedy Debut

Last night in Chelsea, I went to a show called The Happy Hour and a Half and did five minutes of stand-up comedy! Stand-up comedy is something that I always wanted to do, but I would say "Oh, I'm going to do comedy" in the same way I would say "Oh, I'm going to join a gym." I never did it in Minneapolis, but once I arrived in NYC, I decided to join the literal millions of OTHER aspiring comics.

I performed in front of about six other people ... but they were the best six people anybody could ever have for their first audience! They are all actual working comedians, so it was a big honor for them to laugh at my stuff and they even gave me some pointers about the social networking aspect of NYC comedy after the show; one of them even said, "If we didn't think you were funny, we wouldn't be talking to you right now." Hooray!

You would think I'd be inspired, but then today I stayed in bed all day and missed the CUNY Proficiency Exam. Oops! But perhaps that was my 'rock bottom' moment, and tomorrow I will be in French I bright and early at 9:15, and on Friday I am going to suck up my pride and apply at Target, because some money is better than no money, and you know I love to wear red.

Peace out,

Jakey

To My Girls

Our second season was truly glorious and memorable. I am sorry that I was living a double life during it. I know that I could have told you, and that you would have been there for me. I am sorry that my memories of Season Two cannot be one hundred percent blissful. But I hope someday you know that while it was both the best and the worst time of my life, it was you girls that made it the first one.

Love,
Your Former Costar

Viral Vendredi

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KATE WINSLET



From "The Late Show with David Letterman" whilst promoting The Holiday

Happy Birthday, Neve!

When I was just diving into adolesence and had a brief stint in heterosexuality, I was going to marry Neve Campbell, after seeing her cheering in the back seat of a convertible as it ran a red light, followed by marvelling at her ability to evade serial killers on multiple occasions, and perhaps most warmly, commit murder, have three-way sex and be the sole survivor of South Florida.. My best friend at the time was in love with Sarah Michelle Gellar, and for our birthdays and half-birthdays we would make each other montages of our fake lovers. The one he made me for my 13th birthday still adorns my old bedroom in Minneapolis.

Neve is now 34, on her second marriage, and allegedly still working. She will always be my first ... something.

As for who she was replaced with, that's later this month, kids.

Get Well Soon

John Cena has been stripped of the WWE Championship after sustaining a pec injury last night during his match against Ken Kennedy. His 13-month reign was the longest in company history since Hulk Hogan from 1984-1988.

Even though no one reads this, and especially no one named John Cena reads this, Adrift in New York sends him get well wishes anyway.