Reflections

Reflections Part One


Last week
After an 80-day countdown
I went back
To Menomonie Wisconsin

I was somebody again
People actually knew who I was
All of the boys looked like models
At Logjam I knew 80% of the bar
I felt alive

And I focused very hard
On being present
Not thinking about "what if"
Or "If only"

I would have left anyway

I had to remind myself
That despite all of the pictures
Of basement party after basement party
And me smiling with my posse
That I was not happy during Year Two

Did they ever know
That between February and April
When I knew I was leaving
But before Brooklyn happened

I went on Amazon.com
Bought three Dashboard Confessional CD's
Sat in the dark for three months
Listening to songs about girls and leaving

I do not know where I will be living
Two months from now
That kind of scares me

I cannot go back to STA
I look at the houses
Where my friends grew up
They have all moved on
Is my life just one big circle?

What if
If only
Blah blah blah