Musings

I'm going to write. Because I have not written in forever and maybe that is why I have been so anxious lately. I have so much going on in my head and I kind of put it away but it's still there. I really SHOULD be doing yoga but my lazy ass does not want to go back to the basement. Okay then.


It's not a race.

This is what I keep telling myself. Ever since I was 20 I have been convinced I am too old to go after my dreams. I have dark circles under my eyes and all of a sudden that means I don't look 16 anymore. No, what it does mean is I have to cut back on drinking, and I am thinking that I am gonna go three weeks without it until Julie's sister's birthday in a few weeks. I was looking at my journal from the New York year the other day, and I had this big epiphany, like, WOW, I was definitely an alcoholic in the sense of the word. I had no friends when I was in New York. I had voids to fill. I filled it with a liter of vodka a week.

I don't hate my job. The schedule kind of sucks, but that's retail. I mainly work in the men's fitting room where the men look like models and I get to take their rejects. I don't want to be there forever, but in this recession, a job is a job and I'm lucky to have it.

I am going back to school in June. It is a community college in downtown Minneapolis. We shall see how it goes. My plan is to get an Associates Degree and somehow that is gonna let me move back to New York, on my own terms. I don't want to obsess about time, but my goal is to be there by the time I'm 25. If I cut back on the drinking and keep using Keihl's Eye Energy Cream, available at Nordstrom for $29.97, I will look 21 and no one has to know. It's gonna be okay.

This month my father and I have seen Gran Torino and The Wrestler. Good flicks. Next month I will be taking part in the Supporting Actress Smackdown at stinkylulu.com, so I have three more movies that I for sure have to see before Oscar time.

For the past few weeks I was immersed in a pseudo love triangle with an attractive bartender and a kid who I went to high school with that I don't even want to talk about because when I do I became very angry and hateful. I will see the bartender in three weeks and I'm trying not to obsess about it. I don't care who he plays board games with, but if he has played board games with this kid he cannot play board games with me.

I am going to try to write more in here because I miss blogging and the commmunity that follows. I have been in such a weird mood lately.